Question & Answer!
By this time, you might have some questions you want to ask about Cycle Fitness. Never fear! For your convienence, we have already assembled a list of frequently-asked questions...and for even more convienence (because we're so nice and all) we've also assembled the answers!!
How safe is riding a bicycle?
It's about as safe as doing anything! And with Cycle Fitness, your safety is automatically increased and guaranteed! You'll be as safe as a seal in shark-infested waters!
How family-friendly are you?
Extremely family-friendly! You can tell by all the unneccessary exclamation points!!
I've heard rumours about a lawsuit. What exactly happened?
In which lawsuit?
There's more than one?!
Well, the main four that people usually talk about is "FDA vs. Cycle Fitness", "Safety vs. Cycle Fitness", "The National Police Department of New York vs. Cycle Fitness", and "The Cute Fluffy Bunny-Loving People Against Nonviolence Incorporated vs. Cycle Fitness".
How did the FDA get involved in a bicycle company?!
Funny story; it started when Steve from marketing tried to invent a bicycle made entirely out of garlic and holy water...Steve has always had this weird phobia of vampires, you see, and...
Are you sure I can trust Cycle Fitness?
Well, you're going to have to trust a bicycle company; so why not ours?
You mean aside from the fact that you've had multiple lawsuits in the past?
Precisely. We're decent people. We cater to the kids and the eldery! We even cater to the Mafia!
The Mafia?!
That's another funny story.
You seem to have a lot of those...
That's not a question, punk.
Why so many lawsuits?
Because, apparently, you smuggle a bicycle across the Mexican border once and suddenly you're the bad guy.
I'm not so sure about this...Can you really prove to me that you're good people?
Well, we voted for Voldemort in the last election...
How does that make you good people?!
It was either him or Donald Trump.
Good point.
Thank you.
But I'm still a little hesitant.
Then find another company and stop wasting space on our Frequently-Asked Questions page.
I don't think that I'll go with Cycle Fitness after all.
YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE! IT'S NOT AS IF WE DID ANYTHING FOR YOUR COUNTRY ANYWAY!! JUST GO! LEAVE US! ABANDON US LIKE THE OTHERS! *sniff*
Hey, calm down...
DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN YOU WRETCHED BICYCLE-COMPANY HATER! I BET YOU'RE STILL THINKING ABOUT THAT LAWSUIT WITH SEALAND, AREN'T YOU?!
I don't like your tone!
I DON'T LIKE YOUR FACE!!
What happened in the lawsuit with Sealand?
Based on the advice of our lawyers, we invoke our right to the Fifth Amendment.
I don't think I'll go with Cycle Fitness, thanks.
The Mafia is one of our greatest investors.
So?
AKA, we know where you live.
...I think I'd like to buy a bicycle.
Good choice. ; )